Hmm I think we're all probably guilty of dishing out advice to family and friends BUT don't actually follow that advice ourselves!
I wake up some mornings not wanting to get up and face what's happening. What would I say to someone feeling like that? "Think about how lucky you are to be alive,to have a roof over your head" So why don't I listen to myself! I should be grateful that I'm a survivor, that it's over nine years since cancer came into my life and that the last time it came back was four years ago. Of course I'm grateful to be one of the lucky ones. I hate hearing of friends bad news.
I can hear a special friend that is no longer with us telling me to brush myself down and put my happy head on. I would if I could find it, think it's buried somewhere in my craft room.
The thing is a situation at home is sending me back down into the abyss of depression. I can see no way out of it. I feel trapped again. I'm not going into details,it wouldn't be fair on the person concerned. A few of you know what's happening and I want to thank you for your kind words and hugs!
I haven't had any enthusiasm to join in chats on Twitter or Facebook. I miss my daily weather chat
I DONT want people to feel sorry for myself. Which is partly why I haven't been on social media. The point is depression creeps up on you and before you know it you're unable to shake it of.
At my last counselling session I finally realised that cancer has a lot to do with my feelings. That big word IF popped up. IF I hadn't had cancer I would be at work. IF I hadn't had cancer I could get out and about more without getting breathless, without being in pain. I wouldn't have needed the surgeries or chemo. Then again if I hadn't had cancer I wouldn't have met some wonderful people!
The reason I'm writing this is to show people it's good to talk about how you're feeling. Depression is an invisible illness. Don't be afraid to talk to a doctor or nurse if you're struggling. Family and friends don't always understand how when you're cancer free you stilll struggle.
Thank goodness I have my knitting group to go to every Sunday evening!
I'm off to look for my happy head now!
