I've been wanting to do a new post for a while and several ideas have been rattling around in the vacant lot between my ears. So if you're sitting comfortably I will begin!
A while ago someone was wondering whether or not to do a blog about their journey with depression and I absolutely think they should. Writing a blog and getting your thoughts out can be therapeutic. It can help family and friends understand a bit more how you're feeling and what you're battling. I also think that if it helps people understand themselves a bit more you've done a good job.
Then I started to think that actually cancer, depression and other illnesses have similarities. For a start in the majority of cases they're invisible! How many times do people say " You're looking well" when inside you're screaming "but I don't feel it"! Many of us that have had or are battling cancer may well have a run in with depression. Then there's the end of treatment 'syndrome', you've had scans,surgery,chemo,medication and then what??
Which brings me to the next rambling an article I read about the lack of care for cancer patients when treatment has ended. For many sadly there is nowhere to go,there is no end solution. For those of us who are clear whether its months,years or being told you're in remission you're expected to go back to your pre-cancer normal life! That doesn't work though does it? What is a normal life? I'm two years clear this week and being scanned every 6 months so for me it's living scan to scan. That's not pre-cancer normal. Not being able to do stuff I used to do isn't where I was before surgery and chemo!
Which leads me to another topic and loss caused by cancer! Tragically people are losing their lives to this awful disease regularly. Loved ones,family and friends gone. What else do we lose? Sanity! Dignity? Friends? Independence? Sometimes the will to keep battling? Which leads back to where do we go at the end of treatment?
I was lucky to go on a survivorship course and it helped a lot.
However recently I've started to doubt myself again, I've been having a lot of down days. Family may not have noticed because I've thrown myself into sorting my craft room,which in turn actually hasn't helped as I'm struggling physically to do it!
I feel guilty as well because I know others,friends are going through so much more. They're enduring surgeries and chemo and I am so scared that it could be me again. Then I get angry with myself
which starts the whole turmoil off.
So there you are a confusing look into the vacant lot between my ears!!
Sunday, 25 August 2013
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Emotions and Stones!
The last week or so has again been a roller coaster of emotions,pain and sorrow. I will get back to that later.
I have been thinking about writing a post about good coming out of cancer! Hang on put those rotten vegs away! I didn't mean it was good to have been affected by cancer just that good things can come off it. Have you done things differently since you or a loved one have been diagnosed? Could be something simple like getting up on a miserable morning and instead of thinking "Oh damn it's raining again" you thought about what you were doing that day.
It's good to stop and think of something that you are grateful for instead of feeling sorry for yourself , I know it's easier to say than do but it works!
How many new friends have you made whether they be people you see or friends on a social network that will always be there for you?
I'm not going to say anymore I will leave you to think about that. Think about the good things and turn those negative thoughts into positive ones!!
Ok so the last week or so has been a complete jumble of every emotion. Beating Bowel cancers Patient day, as always, was a good day. Really valuable information, good company, great setting and the food was excellent! It was a chance to catch up with old friends and meet some of our virtual friends.
We all painted our nails to let a really poorly friend know we were thinking about her.
The next day I had the worst possible news that another amazing,beautiful young lady our friend Hannah had passed away. It's awful that someone so young can be taken when she had her whole life in front of her.
A little while later I started to get pains in my stomach and back and new straight away it was gall
stones playing up again. So after a few hours in A&E I was admitted to hospital again. What an awful
few days, doctors telling me on two separate days I would have op, nil by mouth and cancelled again! It was eventually decided to discharge me on Friday having to wait for referral done back in February. It seems its possible they won't be able to remove gall bladder by keyhole because of scar tissue and mesh from hernia repair which is why they couldn't fit me in as an emergency!
On the Thursday morning I read of the death of another young lady, a mum of two young children. That was the final straw and I cried for Hannah and Katie and Laura and Alison and all the other people taken too soon. I began to doubt that I was strong enough to volunteer anymore, didn't know if I could deal with all the sadness. Being in hospital gives you too much time to think. It wasn't helped by a lady in the bed opposite me coming in to have her tummy drained after being diagnosed last week with advanced ovarian cancer.
Then I started to think about what I said earlier about turning negative into positive. A friend often says she couldn't deal with all the bad stuff but someone has to!!
I thought about Hannah a lot while I was in hospital and how brave she was despite everything she was going through. I told a young doctor in A&E about her and he was shocked at how young she was. The doctor looking after me on the ward was in tears when I told her about Hannah.
Neither of them knew you could have bowel cancer so young!! If doctors at a busy teaching hospital don't know then more lives are going to be lost!
So there was my answer I, You, We need to keep spread awareness!!
I have been thinking about writing a post about good coming out of cancer! Hang on put those rotten vegs away! I didn't mean it was good to have been affected by cancer just that good things can come off it. Have you done things differently since you or a loved one have been diagnosed? Could be something simple like getting up on a miserable morning and instead of thinking "Oh damn it's raining again" you thought about what you were doing that day.
It's good to stop and think of something that you are grateful for instead of feeling sorry for yourself , I know it's easier to say than do but it works!
How many new friends have you made whether they be people you see or friends on a social network that will always be there for you?
I'm not going to say anymore I will leave you to think about that. Think about the good things and turn those negative thoughts into positive ones!!
Ok so the last week or so has been a complete jumble of every emotion. Beating Bowel cancers Patient day, as always, was a good day. Really valuable information, good company, great setting and the food was excellent! It was a chance to catch up with old friends and meet some of our virtual friends.
We all painted our nails to let a really poorly friend know we were thinking about her.
The next day I had the worst possible news that another amazing,beautiful young lady our friend Hannah had passed away. It's awful that someone so young can be taken when she had her whole life in front of her.
A little while later I started to get pains in my stomach and back and new straight away it was gall
stones playing up again. So after a few hours in A&E I was admitted to hospital again. What an awful
few days, doctors telling me on two separate days I would have op, nil by mouth and cancelled again! It was eventually decided to discharge me on Friday having to wait for referral done back in February. It seems its possible they won't be able to remove gall bladder by keyhole because of scar tissue and mesh from hernia repair which is why they couldn't fit me in as an emergency!
On the Thursday morning I read of the death of another young lady, a mum of two young children. That was the final straw and I cried for Hannah and Katie and Laura and Alison and all the other people taken too soon. I began to doubt that I was strong enough to volunteer anymore, didn't know if I could deal with all the sadness. Being in hospital gives you too much time to think. It wasn't helped by a lady in the bed opposite me coming in to have her tummy drained after being diagnosed last week with advanced ovarian cancer.
Then I started to think about what I said earlier about turning negative into positive. A friend often says she couldn't deal with all the bad stuff but someone has to!!
I thought about Hannah a lot while I was in hospital and how brave she was despite everything she was going through. I told a young doctor in A&E about her and he was shocked at how young she was. The doctor looking after me on the ward was in tears when I told her about Hannah.
Neither of them knew you could have bowel cancer so young!! If doctors at a busy teaching hospital don't know then more lives are going to be lost!
So there was my answer I, You, We need to keep spread awareness!!
Monday, 8 April 2013
Does It Ever Go Away!!
The trouble with cancer is that once you have had it and its gone it never completely goes away. Yes I know that's a contradiction! Be honest who goes for tests or results without feeling a sense of doom. Who doesn't listen to that little man dressed in red with a long tail telling you "Its going to be bad news" over the pretty lady in white with a halo telling you "Its going to be okay"
March was an awful month. It was devastating,emotional,horrendous. We lost some wonderful people. Ladies that were advocates for charities. A young lady of just 33 married for only a month.
People getting news they didn't want, that the cancer had spread.
This has got to stop happening!!
April is Bowel Cancer Awareness month and we all need to do what we can to stop this awful disease. I would urge you to put things on your timeline on Twitter or Facebook to help raise awareness, or links to Beating Bowel Cancer or Bowel Cancer UK.
Tell family or friends not to be embarrassed to check their poo.Tell them not to be 'fobbed' off by their GP with diagnosis of IBS or period cramps, tell them to get a second opinion.
If diagnosed early bowel cancer is treatable.Too many people are suffering and losing their lives because of wrong diagnosis or because they don't know the symptoms.
On a personal note things have been a bit rough! Although I didn't have to argue to get my gall bladder removed and am now on priority waiting list.
A scan has shown that the tubes,going in and out of my right kidney, are thickening and they need to put a camera 'up' (yes that way) through my bladder into the tubes and kidney and maybe take a sample for testing. The consultant isn't overly concerned but because of my history (cue little man in red chuckling) they need to check it out.So there it is again "you have had cancer so we need to be careful".
They're going to do it the same time my gall bladder is removed so only one anaesthetic!
Something I havnt mentioned is that I was referred to the Breast clinic and went back today where thankfully a mammogram showed all clear!!
So yes I have had cancer and now every different pain or something strange seems to be happening to my body I rush to the doctors. Am I being paranoid? Yes quite possibly. So there it is once you have had cancer it comes back to haunt you and never really goes away.
March was an awful month. It was devastating,emotional,horrendous. We lost some wonderful people. Ladies that were advocates for charities. A young lady of just 33 married for only a month.
People getting news they didn't want, that the cancer had spread.
This has got to stop happening!!
April is Bowel Cancer Awareness month and we all need to do what we can to stop this awful disease. I would urge you to put things on your timeline on Twitter or Facebook to help raise awareness, or links to Beating Bowel Cancer or Bowel Cancer UK.
Tell family or friends not to be embarrassed to check their poo.Tell them not to be 'fobbed' off by their GP with diagnosis of IBS or period cramps, tell them to get a second opinion.
If diagnosed early bowel cancer is treatable.Too many people are suffering and losing their lives because of wrong diagnosis or because they don't know the symptoms.
On a personal note things have been a bit rough! Although I didn't have to argue to get my gall bladder removed and am now on priority waiting list.
A scan has shown that the tubes,going in and out of my right kidney, are thickening and they need to put a camera 'up' (yes that way) through my bladder into the tubes and kidney and maybe take a sample for testing. The consultant isn't overly concerned but because of my history (cue little man in red chuckling) they need to check it out.So there it is again "you have had cancer so we need to be careful".
They're going to do it the same time my gall bladder is removed so only one anaesthetic!
Something I havnt mentioned is that I was referred to the Breast clinic and went back today where thankfully a mammogram showed all clear!!
So yes I have had cancer and now every different pain or something strange seems to be happening to my body I rush to the doctors. Am I being paranoid? Yes quite possibly. So there it is once you have had cancer it comes back to haunt you and never really goes away.
Sunday, 24 February 2013
7 years on and a rumble!!
The last few days I have been scrolling through twitter reading blogs some old, some new. I have read of an incredibly brave young lady using her fight with terminal cancer to raise awareness. a friends blog about recent major surgery,not to prolong her life but too make it more comfortable.
I also came across the blog of a young man facing the stigma of being HIV+. His awful treatment at his local job centre, and subsequent meetings with job centre officials that now means all employees will be given mandatory training in dealing with clients with this medical condition. Well done to that young man.
So after a hospital free year I tentatively stepped into 2013 hoping that this year would be the same . . cue sound effects and screeching brakes! We're only 46 days into the year and I'm back in hospital.
A few weeks ago I kept being woken up in the night by stomach cramps and a change in bowel habit (PANIC). Miracle of miracles I managed to get a doctors appointment the next day. The GP diagnosed bug/food poisining, I will add here she is lucky to still have all her front teeth as after every sentence she said "you do understand what I'm saying dont you" and "its nothing to do with your cancer". Note to self even if she is the only doctor available in the whole of London DO NOT see her again!! A few days later the cramps started again,slightly worse and again accompanied by amazing belching. An old washer woman on 6 pints of cider for breakfast would have been proud of me. Anyway being a sunday had to go to the local out of hours doctor and saw a much more understanding doc. She diagnosed excessive stomach acid and prescribed Omeprazole (flash back to chemo days) and Gaviscon.After a few days this seemed to have done the trick and I carried on with life.
Cue screeching brakes again because a few days later the symptoms started up again,as before I sipped cooled boiled water and managed to sleep most of the night. The next day was Valentines day *yawn* and had promised to babysit for my daughter so she could go out with her partner.On the promise of them buying us a chinese meal hubby and I made our way to look after the 2 mini-monsters!
Within an hour of eating I was again in awful pain this time more in my back.The pain was like full blown labour I began to wonder if maybe I had been taken by aliens,impregnated and about to give birth to a monster with 5 eyes,6 legs and 4 arms!
Again I managed to get some sleep but the pain was still bad in the morning so thats when I phoned an ambulance. Family and close friends were shocked I had made the call, having had many disagreements in the past about not being ill enough!!
After blood tests (liver blood tests all over the place) and an ultra sound it was confirmed I had an inflammed gall bladder and gall stones one of which was blocking bile duct and was admitted to hospital on the friday evening. FFS!!! I was only in for three nights and started on strong anti-biotics. I asked the doctor if they would remove the gall bladder and he said probably not :( Mainly because they cant do keyhole procedure as there is probably too much scar tissue from previous surgeries.
On the sunday,while in hospital it dawned on me that it was 7 years to the day since I had been admitted. Sunday 19th feb 2006. Being in hospital again was quite surreal. So much has happened since then and now a new problem! The surgery when they found and removed the tumour and part of my bowel happened on weds 22nd feb but I didnt find out it was a malignant tumour until 6wks later at post op check up.
So yet again bowel cancer is getting in the way, because now I'm scared to eat certain foods. The annoying thing is I dont eat fried food,pastry or any foods with a high fat content. People have told me what they found set the gall stones off . . cheese,spicy foods.
Appoinment with gall bladder consultant is in a couple of weeks and I will try and fight my case to have gall bladder removed. With the question mark of whether the cancer will return hanging over me I now dont want a second qestion mark every time I eat something different, and I certainly dont want to experience that pain again. If they cant do keyhole would I be able to endure invasive surgery again, hell yes a few weeks recovery compared with not knowing if my new lodgers (gall stones) are going to act up again seems a good option!
Aswell as that tomorrow I have an appointment at the Haematuria clinic and another potential problem.
I was hoping that this year would again be free of problems and hospitals but it hasnt started too well. Hey ho . . . onwards and upwards!!
I also came across the blog of a young man facing the stigma of being HIV+. His awful treatment at his local job centre, and subsequent meetings with job centre officials that now means all employees will be given mandatory training in dealing with clients with this medical condition. Well done to that young man.
So after a hospital free year I tentatively stepped into 2013 hoping that this year would be the same . . cue sound effects and screeching brakes! We're only 46 days into the year and I'm back in hospital.
A few weeks ago I kept being woken up in the night by stomach cramps and a change in bowel habit (PANIC). Miracle of miracles I managed to get a doctors appointment the next day. The GP diagnosed bug/food poisining, I will add here she is lucky to still have all her front teeth as after every sentence she said "you do understand what I'm saying dont you" and "its nothing to do with your cancer". Note to self even if she is the only doctor available in the whole of London DO NOT see her again!! A few days later the cramps started again,slightly worse and again accompanied by amazing belching. An old washer woman on 6 pints of cider for breakfast would have been proud of me. Anyway being a sunday had to go to the local out of hours doctor and saw a much more understanding doc. She diagnosed excessive stomach acid and prescribed Omeprazole (flash back to chemo days) and Gaviscon.After a few days this seemed to have done the trick and I carried on with life.
Cue screeching brakes again because a few days later the symptoms started up again,as before I sipped cooled boiled water and managed to sleep most of the night. The next day was Valentines day *yawn* and had promised to babysit for my daughter so she could go out with her partner.On the promise of them buying us a chinese meal hubby and I made our way to look after the 2 mini-monsters!
Within an hour of eating I was again in awful pain this time more in my back.The pain was like full blown labour I began to wonder if maybe I had been taken by aliens,impregnated and about to give birth to a monster with 5 eyes,6 legs and 4 arms!
Again I managed to get some sleep but the pain was still bad in the morning so thats when I phoned an ambulance. Family and close friends were shocked I had made the call, having had many disagreements in the past about not being ill enough!!
After blood tests (liver blood tests all over the place) and an ultra sound it was confirmed I had an inflammed gall bladder and gall stones one of which was blocking bile duct and was admitted to hospital on the friday evening. FFS!!! I was only in for three nights and started on strong anti-biotics. I asked the doctor if they would remove the gall bladder and he said probably not :( Mainly because they cant do keyhole procedure as there is probably too much scar tissue from previous surgeries.
On the sunday,while in hospital it dawned on me that it was 7 years to the day since I had been admitted. Sunday 19th feb 2006. Being in hospital again was quite surreal. So much has happened since then and now a new problem! The surgery when they found and removed the tumour and part of my bowel happened on weds 22nd feb but I didnt find out it was a malignant tumour until 6wks later at post op check up.
So yet again bowel cancer is getting in the way, because now I'm scared to eat certain foods. The annoying thing is I dont eat fried food,pastry or any foods with a high fat content. People have told me what they found set the gall stones off . . cheese,spicy foods.
Appoinment with gall bladder consultant is in a couple of weeks and I will try and fight my case to have gall bladder removed. With the question mark of whether the cancer will return hanging over me I now dont want a second qestion mark every time I eat something different, and I certainly dont want to experience that pain again. If they cant do keyhole would I be able to endure invasive surgery again, hell yes a few weeks recovery compared with not knowing if my new lodgers (gall stones) are going to act up again seems a good option!
Aswell as that tomorrow I have an appointment at the Haematuria clinic and another potential problem.
I was hoping that this year would again be free of problems and hospitals but it hasnt started too well. Hey ho . . . onwards and upwards!!
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
The Aftermath . . .
So the new year has arrived,in some respects I was quite sorry to say goodbye to 2012. It was a good year for me in many ways. Clear scans therefore no cancer or surgery! My 6th grandchild and only grandaughter was born. I also got to meet some amazing people.
I know I've said it before but going to Beating Bowel cancers patient day was one of the best things I have done. The people I met through that day and since on twitter and facebook have given me a new outlook on life.
The scars that cancer leaves behind physically, emotionally and physiologically can not be felt or understood unless you have been there. Not to be judged or berated for having one of 'those days' is amazing. Once you have had cancer you can understand and feel other cancer patients highs and lows. We have all been on the same journey except our paths have taken different routes.
Last week I started a Macmillan survivorship course. We were asked what was the hardest choice we had made through cancer, for me it was going for genetic counselling and now waiting for results. yet again the tears fell, but not only me, others also got emotional and the tissues were passed round the table as they told of their choices.So emotionally am I completely over this whole journey, simple answer . . NO!
Every day I hear about people that are in pain, even though they are free from cancer. Whether it be from neuropathy caused by chemo or scar tissue,adhesions or damage from surgery or radiotherapy. So the aftermath of having had cancer begins.
The fact that maybe years on you, like I am,are suffering,especially in this cold weather,from neuropathy in hands and feet, That sometimes because of this you may get up from a chair and have a 'drunken stumble' or take something out of the fridge or freezer and nearly drop it because it hurt your hands.
Or perhaps you like me are in almost constant pain as a result of damage caused by surgery. I didnt expect to be on pain killers indefinitely and I'm sure some of you didnt expect it either!
I didnt have radiotherapy so I cant comment on it, but I know there a lot of you who do suffer as a result of having it. So physically is my journey over . . .NO!
Off course weighing up the pros and cons, treatment against no treatment, there really is only one answer . . .Yes. There are too many people that dont get that choice.
Its so wonderful to hear of people going back too work. Maybe one day it will be my turn, sadly not my old job but maybe somewhere there is a little niche for me.
Ideally I would like to start selling some of my craft makes so need to look into that.
So there we are a little insight into how I see some things. I dont expect everyone to agree with me.Maybe it might help someone out there who feels they're the only one going through pain or still struggling with accepting their diagnosis.
Just remember we're in this together.
One for all and all for one x
I know I've said it before but going to Beating Bowel cancers patient day was one of the best things I have done. The people I met through that day and since on twitter and facebook have given me a new outlook on life.
The scars that cancer leaves behind physically, emotionally and physiologically can not be felt or understood unless you have been there. Not to be judged or berated for having one of 'those days' is amazing. Once you have had cancer you can understand and feel other cancer patients highs and lows. We have all been on the same journey except our paths have taken different routes.
Last week I started a Macmillan survivorship course. We were asked what was the hardest choice we had made through cancer, for me it was going for genetic counselling and now waiting for results. yet again the tears fell, but not only me, others also got emotional and the tissues were passed round the table as they told of their choices.So emotionally am I completely over this whole journey, simple answer . . NO!
Every day I hear about people that are in pain, even though they are free from cancer. Whether it be from neuropathy caused by chemo or scar tissue,adhesions or damage from surgery or radiotherapy. So the aftermath of having had cancer begins.
The fact that maybe years on you, like I am,are suffering,especially in this cold weather,from neuropathy in hands and feet, That sometimes because of this you may get up from a chair and have a 'drunken stumble' or take something out of the fridge or freezer and nearly drop it because it hurt your hands.
Or perhaps you like me are in almost constant pain as a result of damage caused by surgery. I didnt expect to be on pain killers indefinitely and I'm sure some of you didnt expect it either!
I didnt have radiotherapy so I cant comment on it, but I know there a lot of you who do suffer as a result of having it. So physically is my journey over . . .NO!
Off course weighing up the pros and cons, treatment against no treatment, there really is only one answer . . .Yes. There are too many people that dont get that choice.
Its so wonderful to hear of people going back too work. Maybe one day it will be my turn, sadly not my old job but maybe somewhere there is a little niche for me.
Ideally I would like to start selling some of my craft makes so need to look into that.
So there we are a little insight into how I see some things. I dont expect everyone to agree with me.Maybe it might help someone out there who feels they're the only one going through pain or still struggling with accepting their diagnosis.
Just remember we're in this together.
One for all and all for one x
Sunday, 16 December 2012
All Clear and Tweet ups
It has actually happened a whole year with no surgery! First year in seven and no surgery. Still cant quite believe it but my last CT shows no evidence of change which also means second year in seven NO CANCER. It appears I am winning the battle so do one cancer consider yourself banished!!
Okay Im not naive enough to think there might be a chance it could return but the fact that hosp now only want to scan twice a year not four times a year gives me hope.
Moving on I know in my last post I spoke a lot about the support on twitter from people that may never meet. However on the 1st of Dec there was a tweet up which I hope will lead to more!! It was amazing to meet up with these wonderful people to put not only a face but a voice to a tweet! It was a wonderful,awesome,brilliant day. Some of us met for a coffee at the Royal Festival hall before moving on to meet the rest of our party at a lovely Italian restaurant called Vapiano.
The food was good,more importantly the company was excellent. Laughter and conversation flowed as though we had been friends for years. It did occur to me that other customers might have thought that some of us may have been carers for others because of the noise but the table of santas next to us seemed to be getting stranger looks. There was almost an incident involving a basil plant but I wont dwell on that.
We had a wander down Regent St.,a quick visit to the Apple store before visiting the Nespresso Boutique where there was nearly another incident! A member of staff accidently head butted one of our party, luckily our personal lawyer rushed in to work out damages and we were able to queue jump to a coffee sample! It also seems that Jedward has a third member working in the store!
It took us a while to find a pub with enough room for us all,being a saturday and pre-theatre time, but we did. It was a day I will remember for a long time :-)
For me this month has been mostly highs but there has been a few lows thrown in. Being diagnosed with osteo-arthritis has added a few lows. Having to finally admit getting in and out of bath was difficult but I now have a bath chair which helps but isnt ideal. I've also been given a walking stick for those wobbly days which again I'm not happy about!
Something strange happened aswell. Last week I was invited to a survivorship group at the Macmillan centre at Kings.The first two talks about exercise and diet were interesting. Then came a talk about the emotional impact of cancer and to my suprise I couldnt stop the tears. I dont know what triggered it I thought I had got past all the hurdles but obviously I havnt.
Maybe it was because I was so worried about the scan results I hadnt had then. Maybe I still havnt accepted everything that has happened.
Right now though I'm focusing on the new year. I want to really start doing my crafts more,when I eventually get my room sorted, and try to sell some work. I want NO I need to start feeling 'normal' and get out more. I want to break free from all the restraints cancer has placed on me but that really isnt entirely possible because of the pain left from surgeries.
So as someone said to me earlier onwards and upwards. I dont know what the new year has in store for me, none of us do,but I hope/want to be a stronger person.
Okay Im not naive enough to think there might be a chance it could return but the fact that hosp now only want to scan twice a year not four times a year gives me hope.
Moving on I know in my last post I spoke a lot about the support on twitter from people that may never meet. However on the 1st of Dec there was a tweet up which I hope will lead to more!! It was amazing to meet up with these wonderful people to put not only a face but a voice to a tweet! It was a wonderful,awesome,brilliant day. Some of us met for a coffee at the Royal Festival hall before moving on to meet the rest of our party at a lovely Italian restaurant called Vapiano.
The food was good,more importantly the company was excellent. Laughter and conversation flowed as though we had been friends for years. It did occur to me that other customers might have thought that some of us may have been carers for others because of the noise but the table of santas next to us seemed to be getting stranger looks. There was almost an incident involving a basil plant but I wont dwell on that.
We had a wander down Regent St.,a quick visit to the Apple store before visiting the Nespresso Boutique where there was nearly another incident! A member of staff accidently head butted one of our party, luckily our personal lawyer rushed in to work out damages and we were able to queue jump to a coffee sample! It also seems that Jedward has a third member working in the store!
It took us a while to find a pub with enough room for us all,being a saturday and pre-theatre time, but we did. It was a day I will remember for a long time :-)
For me this month has been mostly highs but there has been a few lows thrown in. Being diagnosed with osteo-arthritis has added a few lows. Having to finally admit getting in and out of bath was difficult but I now have a bath chair which helps but isnt ideal. I've also been given a walking stick for those wobbly days which again I'm not happy about!
Something strange happened aswell. Last week I was invited to a survivorship group at the Macmillan centre at Kings.The first two talks about exercise and diet were interesting. Then came a talk about the emotional impact of cancer and to my suprise I couldnt stop the tears. I dont know what triggered it I thought I had got past all the hurdles but obviously I havnt.
Maybe it was because I was so worried about the scan results I hadnt had then. Maybe I still havnt accepted everything that has happened.
Right now though I'm focusing on the new year. I want to really start doing my crafts more,when I eventually get my room sorted, and try to sell some work. I want NO I need to start feeling 'normal' and get out more. I want to break free from all the restraints cancer has placed on me but that really isnt entirely possible because of the pain left from surgeries.
So as someone said to me earlier onwards and upwards. I dont know what the new year has in store for me, none of us do,but I hope/want to be a stronger person.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Emotional Rollercoasters and Genetics
Well its been a while since I last blogged but a lot has happened, not only to me and my family but to my bowel cancer buddies and twitter family.
A few months ago lots of us were going for tests and so many of us had clear results that we climbed high on an emotional rollercoaster, virtual parties on twitter in full swing. Then we came crashing down to earth as we heard the devastating news that one of our twitter family had had very bad news. Instantly the mood on twitter changed instead of raising a virtual glass we were reaching out to hug and hold the hands of a lovely couple.Im sure like me others were going through the 'what ifs' and 'maybes', we're human and always start thinking the worst.
Sadly a few weeks later we lost that member of our twitter family to bowel cancer.
Then more good results came and once again we were off on a high although this time tinged with sadness. Some of our twitter friends were finishing chemo and getting themselves ready to get their lifes back on track, but then again we came hurtling down as one of our bowel cancer buddies had bad news.
It never fails to amaze me that the friends we have made on twitter are all so supportive. We may never meet but they are always there for a virtual hug,advice or a good old fashioned gossip!
Twitter is also an amazing place to raise awareness of bowel cancer and other life changing illnesses.
Im also pleased to be part of Beating Bowel Cancer's facebook support groups so if you or you know anyone with bowel cancer please tell them to have a look for us.
Im so happy to hear of so many people finishing treatment and starting back to work. Their excitement is obvious and rightly so! I do have to admit that I am envious of them, I miss my job,I miss being out in the big wide world! I also miss having money in my bank every month!!
On tuesday I had an appointment at the genetics clinic at Guys hospital. This is the first time that Ive been to a hospital shaking! So nervous, after all this isnt so much about me but my daughters futures. I was 47 when diagnosed with bowel cancer,lost mum aged 44 to ovarian cancer so there is a risk that they may be linked that we have a faulty gene known as Lynch syndrome.
On a positive note if the test result is positive the girls will be offered a blood test and if needed early screening. So actually its a good thing for them as I certainly wouldnt want them to go through what I have.
Next week is my next ct scan, Im more nervous about this one than any others this year. So far all clear and if this one is it will mean the first year in seven that I havnt had any ops and the second in seven that cancer hasnt raised its ugly head!!
FINGERS CROSSED!!!!
A few months ago lots of us were going for tests and so many of us had clear results that we climbed high on an emotional rollercoaster, virtual parties on twitter in full swing. Then we came crashing down to earth as we heard the devastating news that one of our twitter family had had very bad news. Instantly the mood on twitter changed instead of raising a virtual glass we were reaching out to hug and hold the hands of a lovely couple.Im sure like me others were going through the 'what ifs' and 'maybes', we're human and always start thinking the worst.
Sadly a few weeks later we lost that member of our twitter family to bowel cancer.
Then more good results came and once again we were off on a high although this time tinged with sadness. Some of our twitter friends were finishing chemo and getting themselves ready to get their lifes back on track, but then again we came hurtling down as one of our bowel cancer buddies had bad news.
It never fails to amaze me that the friends we have made on twitter are all so supportive. We may never meet but they are always there for a virtual hug,advice or a good old fashioned gossip!
Twitter is also an amazing place to raise awareness of bowel cancer and other life changing illnesses.
Im also pleased to be part of Beating Bowel Cancer's facebook support groups so if you or you know anyone with bowel cancer please tell them to have a look for us.
Im so happy to hear of so many people finishing treatment and starting back to work. Their excitement is obvious and rightly so! I do have to admit that I am envious of them, I miss my job,I miss being out in the big wide world! I also miss having money in my bank every month!!
On tuesday I had an appointment at the genetics clinic at Guys hospital. This is the first time that Ive been to a hospital shaking! So nervous, after all this isnt so much about me but my daughters futures. I was 47 when diagnosed with bowel cancer,lost mum aged 44 to ovarian cancer so there is a risk that they may be linked that we have a faulty gene known as Lynch syndrome.
On a positive note if the test result is positive the girls will be offered a blood test and if needed early screening. So actually its a good thing for them as I certainly wouldnt want them to go through what I have.
Next week is my next ct scan, Im more nervous about this one than any others this year. So far all clear and if this one is it will mean the first year in seven that I havnt had any ops and the second in seven that cancer hasnt raised its ugly head!!
FINGERS CROSSED!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)