A Repreive and Broken Ribs!!

A few days ago my consultant phoned to tell me the bone scan was clear. Oh Yes!! Clear apart from trauma to my ribs?
I havnt told you about that! At last appointment with lung consultant when he was ordering the bone scan the conversation went something like this:
Doc "I will order a bone scan to be on the safe side but I know what it will show"
Me (slightly nervous) "You do"
Doc "Yes it will show trauma to your ribs where I had to break one or two during your surgeries"
Me " Really I didnt know about that"
Doc "If I had told you before surgery would you still have wanted the ops?"

Hmm did I have much choice?? It would explain why it was so impossible to lie flat after the ops and possibly why I still have pain in that area!!
Its evident my consultant has a strange sense of humour, while being prepped for surgery a nurse commented on one of my tattoos and he asked had I got one for him erm no! Oh yes he quipped you have a big scar down your back thats my mark!!

Ok so 2 clear ct's,clear colonoscopy and now a clear bone scan so far this year. To say I'm relieved would be an understatement, now I'm starting to believe that maybe just maybe cancer has given up the fight and surrended!Next ct end of November so we will see.
You would think that I should be out celebrating, dancing on tables and not acting my age but the funny thing is I've actually being feeling quite low. Emotions can be so difficult to control sometimes, you work yourself into a frenzy waiting for the results and the possible 'what ifs' and then you are told everything is ok . . . . . great news off course but why then is there a few days when the world seems to carry on around you as though nothing has happened?
Unless you have been in a similar position its hard for someone else to understand. By writing this blog I hope it helps others to realise that all though things might be great physically,emotionally its still hard to come to terms with everything that has or is going on. The fact cancer is not evident right now doesnt mean I'm over it all.
I have days of feeling isolated, of being inadequate because I can no longer do things I used to. I should be able to pick up and play with my grandchildren (not the 10 or 12yr old they are too big!) but I find it difficult. Today I went shopping with my eldest daughter Nikola and her two youngest Ashley who is 2 and baby Ellie 8wks. I held baby as she was crying while Nik was trying clothes on and it hurt!
I curse cancer every time I take a painkiller or look in the mirror and see the scars. I curse the chemo that made me so sick and has left me with neuropathy in my hands and feet.
I read with real happiness that other cancer survivors are going back to work, and I curse cancer for making me unable to return to a job I loved.
This is why I have volunteered to help Beating Bowel Cancer help raise awareness of this awful disease, to make people aware bowel cancer doesnt care how old you are,how rich or poor or where you live. By hopefully being able to give support to people that are just starting their cancer journey.

Beating Bowel Cancer and Bowel Cancer Uk aim to get the word out on to the street and so do I!!